I Don't Even Know
by Cheshire417
Summary: In the mood for a "What?.. Wait, what did I just read?" moment or a few laughs? Then trust me, click this. CRACK pairings made by two (insane) members of a crazy fandom. SherlockxPavement and GunxJohn, for example. Yea, you read that right. Never really complete because we never stop being nutty.
1. Chapter 1

**Just in case you didn't get this from the description, these are completely ridiculous pairings a friend and I concocted when we were talking about shipping then something fell off her desk and we proceeded to have ReichenFeels. Obviously the following two ships have been produced because we have gone bonkers ****(BUT HEY AT LEAST WE FIT IN.) ****WE. REGRET. NOTHING.**

**...Also just in case: We do NOT own Sherlock in any way, shape or form. (Which means NOT the show, NOT any movies, NOT the books, NOTHING...though I sometimes wish otherwise.)**

**SherlockxPavement (Courtesy of my friend, J)**

Sherlock knew that his love for the pavement was deadly; but he also knew that she was more than just pavement. Underneath her rough edges was a mass of understanding and comfort that he could find from no one else. He accepted his fate as he stepped up to the edge of the building. Looking up at her from above, Sherlock was overcome with emotion. And as he fell from the rooftop, he knew that she was worth dying for. He had no regrets as the blood flowed out of his body.

"At least you are the last thing I will see." He said as he took his last breath.

**(J's response: "OHMYGOD WHAT DID I JUST TYPE? ASDFGHJKL")**


	2. Chapter 2

**Now, the nonsense that originated from my brain:**

**GunxJohn**

I barely repress a quiver as John cocks me and the smooth metal bullet slides into my chamber. John's running jostles me but the warmth of his palm against my grip and my utter joy at being used again rendering it barely noticeable. We slam through a door and skid to a halt as John finds our new flatmate.. in the opposite building. I know what this means and this time an excited shiver shakes my firing pin. His fingers tighten as he raises me and caresses my trigger. I stifle the lewd noises I want to make because of the excruciatingly pleasurable touch on my most sensitive part. There is no trembling from John like the previous times he's picked me up and the little bit of light filtering through the windows flashes off of me as that fact ads to my ecstasy. I feel the slight change as John's cautiousness turns into determination and there's almost no time to prepare myself before he squeezes. I scream as warmth runs through my barrel and I release the bullet, taking note of the satisfying sound of shattering glass then metal sinking into the flesh of our target as I come down from my high. My safety is clicked on and suddenly there's nothing else but the warmth of John's back as he sticks me in the waistband of his jeans and runs- keeping us safe just as he had our new flatma- no, as he had Sherlock.

**Guys... I don't even know ;M; ****... ****XD ****...**** _**


	3. Chapter 3

**BlanketxSherlock**

I could feel his hands tighten around my corners, holding me close to him. His grip tightened as they tried to convince him to leave me behind. But Sherlock would never do that. Even if it meant going to the Buckingham Palace together, he wouldn't leave me behind.

As he sat on the sofa I could feel the warmth of his body seeping into my fibers. He relaxed a little as John came into the room and sat down beside us. Sherlock's laughter made me tingle and fill with static electricity. But as he started to leave, Mycroft tried to snatch me away. To my relief, Sherlock was there, as he always was. He grabbed me tightly and wrapped me around his body. In that moment I knew I was safe in my hero's arms.

**-J**


	4. Chapter 4

**JohnxBomb Vest**

John breathed deeply, trying to calm his thudding heart but his pulse only accelerated as the vest strapped to him restricted his expanding ribcage.

He dare not let out a curse in case Moriarty made good on his threat to kill Sherlock before setting off the vest if he talked. Instead, he grit his teeth and clenched his hands as he tried not to think of the dangerous (wonderful) explosives that weighed on him.

John forced his mind to concentrate on what was about to happen but as the vest rubbed against him his hand instantly lifted. Almost growling in frustration, he moved his hand away from the coat blocking his way. It was getting warmer inside the mass of cloth - though that had nothing to do with the pool's temperature – and John desperately wanted to rip the thing off so he could fondle the wires and admire the small lights and brilliant construction of the bombs as he easily figured out how to disarm them.

By now, John had given up distracting himself and had begun planning a way to keep the vest without attracting Sherlock's attention – if the two of them got out alive, that is.

The loud slamming of a pool door closing echoed and John hastily composed himself before following Moriarty's instructions and stepping out.

**-S**


End file.
